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Russ (Backdraft Biscuit: Jalapeno Cheddar Biscuit with Jalapeno Cheddar Link, Brisket, Pepper Jack Cheese, and Pineapple Chipotle Sauce) - It’s rare that I’m at a loss for words. But this is not one of those times. So let me tell you about the latest other-worldly concoction from the gastronomical wizards over at Lane's BBQ.

It starts with a biscuit. (At least that’s what the commoners call it.) I like to think of it as a perfectly partitioned peppery palette upon which various and sundry succulent savories can be painted. And what’s more, there are tiny bits of fresh jalapeño in there. Why? Because green equals healthy. So healthy that I was able to swipe my FSA card.

Then, brisket. Again, not just any brisket. The finest brisket in the land. I don’t know what they feed those cows over there. Maybe it’s slop. Maybe it’s gold-encrusted bacon, Whatever. I don’t even care. All I know is that when they pay the ultimate price for my dietary delight, the result is, how you say, magnifique.

Top that with a jalapeño cheddar link—I know, more fruit! (Peppers are a fruit. Look it up.) I’ll admit, I’m not a huge link sausage fan. But this stuff is what Steven Tyler was talking about in “Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing.”

Cheese. Pepper jack cheese. And what’s in pepper jack cheese?!? You guessed it. Peppers. And what is a pepper? Yes, a fruit. Move over Jenny Craig. Meet my friend, Ryan Lane 1-800-96-RYAN.

Top it all off with a fruity remix of Lane's lodestar BBQ sauce, and dare me to pass it by. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not ever.

My eldest son helped me sum it up best on the way home this morning as he was molar-deep in the Greer-family-favorite cheddar bacon:

“Dad, what would life be like without Lane’s?”

“Miserable, son. A life not worth living.”